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Design and Writings by Riz
Bluedfiles Version 17
� April 2005
April 27, 2005
Version 17: Sunflower Days.
These days, you spend an hour taking a bath, sponging your body down with soap twice, and consuming about five pails of water. You feel clean, and you enjoy the momentary freshness. But the minute you step out of the bathroom, you start sweating again. Metro Manila has turned into one gigantic oven toaster. Pfft. Ang init, sobra! Last night I dreamt of polar bears, penguins, and eskimos. The other day I dreamt that the whole Metro Manila was air-conditioned. It’s so hot these days it follows you on your sleep.

Nonetheless, I love Manila on summer days. I love summer days! The summer heat may be torturous, and you may feel sticky and sweaty all day round, but then you get to appreciate little things too, like a glass of freezing cold Coke, vanilla ice cream, halo-halo, air-conditioned working places, air-conditioned train rides, sunglasses, and Makati overpasses. Then there’s the pool, and the beach, the coconut trees, the almost empty campuses, the jam-packed malls, and Ice Monster and Big Chill.

And then, there are the sunflowers.

When I was a kid I always thought that sunflowers could only grow on Baguio soils. I was college-old already when I found out I was wrong. Have you ever passed through the University Avenue, that long entry road to UP Diliman on a summer day? Take time to drop by this month and you’ll see. Sunflowers spring up to life and line both sides of the entire road, and for two minutes you find yourself taking your sunglasses off, holding your breath, and enjoying the lovely view of arrays of miniature yellow gold suns.

What’s really sweet about sunflowers is the way they collectively grow towards the direction of the sun. Last Monday, when I passed by, all the flowers were facing east. I smiled. Sunflower effect, I thought. Then I realized that perhaps, these plants (without the flowers of course) have been there all year round, unnoticed. I marveled once more at God’s creations. How He can turn those unnoticed, unattractive, green stuff sprouting from the ground into something really beautiful is one of life’s great mysteries. I can imagine Him paving the way for this event, just waiting for the proper time for the sunflowers to bloom.

That fleeting moment of passing through the U-Ave is one of the things I like about having summer classes in UP. Too bad I don’t get to pass through that sunflowery road as much. But the next time I do, I’d make sure I bring something to capture the moment with – perhaps my brother’s digicam, or better yet, someone who’s got a camera phone who will surely enjoy the sight as much as I (yes, you. ;)).

For the meantime, let me preserve the moment (albeit the injustice to it) on a layout such as this while the sunflower days last, and hope that everytime you browse through this site, you also get to think about the beauty of the works of His hands. c",)

Grace and Faith.
Two things God’s been highlighting to me the past days: Grace that’s undeserved yet overflowing, and Faith that does not only trust but that which also take the extra mile. Sometimes, such concepts become overwhelmingly broad and complicated that God gives you something to remind you of their simplicity.

Like having to sing with your dad again in a Sunday Worship Service after almost having lost him. Like receiving Globe credits from your mom at a time you most need it, or getting the last bottle of apple-flavored C2 from the racks of Seven Eleven after a long and tiring walk. Like a difficult song beautifully sang amidst pressure, or receiving a paper bag filled with brownies and apples. Like browsing through a colorful and intricately designed scrapbook, and remembering what God has done in the past months. Like consuming a big serving of yummy WHAM burgers with the wonderful and funny people of OMFLit after a long and tiring day at work, or finding an empty seat in a jam-packed train. Truly, the beauty of grace is the simple fact that it is undeserved. And while it is such, it is meant to be accepted with a grateful heart.

And then there’s faith. For someone who’s always unconfident, and finds security in time tables, blue prints, game plans, and logic, my ultimate challenge right now is to take a step into the unknown, lean not on my own understanding, not be passive, follow the road signs and find out for myself where God is leading me.

In a week’s time I’ll be done with my practicum, and I shall begin exploring the vast world out there with only His grace and my faith in Him as my weapons.

And perhaps, He wants me to be just like a sunflower – to bloom in His perfect time (from out of an unnoticed sprout that I am), grow towards the direction of His light, and blossom into a miniature golden sun that will reflect the works of His hands. c",)

♥ ♥ ♥

P.S. I may not know who you all are, but THANK YOU GUYS for dropping by. :)

Riz Blabbered @ 6:30:00 PM.


April 16, 2005

One whole month jammed in a story that happened in just one day.
The post is long. Don’t say you weren't warned. c",)

The Long Journey Home.
April 14, 2005, 5:30pm. I said goodbye to my boss through Ivy, excusing myself because I was having fever and was not feeling well. I went pass the bookstore to the front entrance, smiling weakly at people whose names I haven’t memorized just yet, and said “Thanks, Manong,” as the guard opened the door for me. Off I went. The long journey home.

I stepped out into the sun from the air-conditioned bookstore, and braved the agonizing summer heat through my skin, trying to decide if I should take a cab (which will cost me about two hundred bucks), or endure the two train rides (both MRT and LRT) I’ve gotten used to taking in my first week of training at OMF Lit. With just a few hundreds in my wallet, I decided to take the train.

Practicum at OMFLit.
I am currently taking practicum at OMF Literature. I could still remember how thrilled I was when the company’s Marketing Director took interest in my request. You see, Ivy and I, when we were kids, once dreamed of going to the same office so we can play all week long. We never thought that a tiny childlike wish such as ours shall be granted, even for just a few weeks. (Playtime, yeah!) Even so, I wanted to hold my practicum in a Christian organization and OMFLit just happened to be at the top of my list. Being there right now is, in every way, an answered prayer.

I was put under the Creative Section of the Marketing Department (under Kuya Aleks), and so far, I have started writing blurbs (that I failed, by the way, hehe), made phone calls to update the company’s database (my three month stint in the call center paid off, hehe), was made to attend an out-of-the-office booklaunch to observe, and well, answered phone calls (“OMFLit, good morning” yeh!) in between. The real research work comes next week, they gave me my assignments already. The people are great, and the food too. I’m sure to enjoy the next few weeks with them.

As I walked the long route to the MRT-Boni Avenue Station, I whispered to God a silent prayer. All I need, Lord, is one touch, just one touch from You and I will be ok. Please breathe your strength on me and carry me home. I never felt so physically weak in my life. Must be because of stress, I thought. For the past three weeks, I’ve been spending all day in the hospital with my Dad and Mom, and by the time I got home everyday, it would be already way past midnight. This went on top of the Ethics exam I was so ranting about (which I passed, by the way, yey!), final submission of my thesis, other final requirements, and a final class presentation.

Last Day in School.
Towards the end of March, we had our Media Research class’ final presentation. Our team was assigned to come up with a marketing strategy for Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, resulting to our own creation of advertising prototypes across all media. We were successful with our presentation, and the panelists chose our marketing strategy as the best in the class.

Maam Kate Mirandilla inspired me so much this whole semester. It was through her class that I felt my inclination towards the qualitative aspects of marketing, advertising and media research. Maybe God will send me off to a job that has to do with this field in the future. And if that happens, I shall look back to Maam Kate, and our one-semester experience of hands-on media and marketing research.

My muscle pains were getting worse by then, and I was getting more and more dizzy I felt my body scream for rest. When I finally reach the top of the stairs, I slowly walked my way through the entrance, sliding my electronic train pass as I went through. I felt the humid wind on my face, and started to chill. The stress, my dizziness, and the pain in my thighs and knees made me feel so weak, I wished to have someone I could at least hold or lean on to. Then I tried to divert my attention away by thinking about the things that God allowed me to go over with in the past month because of His grace.

Almost a Graduate.
The completion of my undergrad thesis was indeed, a product of His amazing ways. Writing the acknowledgement portion of my thesis paper was a surreal experience, I had a grand time typing out my appreciation to those people who had been a part of my college life, and of course, to those who contributed to the completion of my thesis. And most of all, seeing the pile of crisp papers I’ve worked on for nearly a year bounded by a thick maroon cover was an unparalleled delight. I am almost a graduate.

Dad and Mom, I’m sure, will be so glad by the end of this summer when I finally graduate. Their dream to have all three of us (my brothers and I) finish college is at long last, realized. I share their joy and relief, and I take pride in congratulating them both for a job well done in supporting and providing for us.

As I waited for the train along with several others, I felt my mobile phone vibrate through my shoulder bag. It was a text message from mom. “It’s time. Dad’s going to have his angiogram taken. Please continue to pray.” A wave of fear washed through me, being aware of the risks that the procedure entails – it was, after all, something we heard so much about from the doctors in the 4 weeks Dad was in the hospital.

Daddy’s Hospitalization.
Our family’s month-long experience at the hospital is loaded with so much miracles, grace and provision from God. Dad collapsed four weeks ago because of some complications in his heart. He was held captive in the Intensive Care Unit of UST Hospital for more than a week, and was made to stay in the Cardio Vascular Unit for two more weeks. Some doctors claimed that his heart was too weak already and could stop beating anytime. At worst, heart transplant could be the only cure. Surfing through his condition (Dilated Cardiomyopathy) over the net was not encouraging either. Words like "arrythmias", "ventricular tachychardia" or "VTAC", "PVCs", "multiple-bypass", "angiogram", among many others, became an instant part of our vocabulary. It was terrifying. Dad’s case was seemingly impossible. And for our family, financially impossible, and emotionally draining.

It was on the fourth week when God sent us his very own instrument – a very competent Christian cardiologist by the name of Dr. Wilfredo Dee, no less than God’s own child, who’s practicing Cardiology at the Heart Center. God indeed, is the God of perfect timing. Seeing his ECG, 2D Echo, and the other tests Dad underwent at UST, Dr. Dee perceived the urgency of Dad’s case and made him transfer to Heart Center right away. Not less than four days after his admission, he’s already on his way to go through the angiogram (a diagnostic test taken to determine if there are any blocked arteries in the heart that prevent it from functioning normally) to know what surgery or procedure had to be done next. (Ergo, Mommy’s text.)

Thinking about these makes me see God’s hand over all things. The support of our extended families (SBCers, ATAS Family, Sanchez Clan, etc) was overwhelming. Everyday we get texts, and phone calls from people from both here and abroad (literally!) expressing their prayers and support to Dad. Somehow, the experience made me see in a larger picture all these people whose lives my Dad touched in one way or another. Some even gave Daddy free medications, others financial support.

Our family may never be able to express the extent of our gratitude to these people in this lifetime. Our appreciation is beyond words. Most especially, God’s miracles, and God’s ways are not just beyond words.. but more importantly, beyond our comprehension.

Squeezing myself through the jampacked train was even more stressing. I hobbled myself in, chilling even more. A part of me felt so tired and sick I just wanted to go home, but another part longed to take the opposite route that would lead me to Dad and Mom in the hospital. A tear rolled down my cheek. I got a mental picture of Dad, on a moveable hospital bed, clad in a hospital gown, monitors all over the room and surgeons in blue pajamas crowding the view. I thought of Mom waiting in the lobby, with my brother and some church members, heads bowed down, and hands clasped in prayer.

I prayed. Lord, my pain is nothing compared to the agony Dad must be feeling right now. All he needs, Lord, is one touch, just one touch from You and he will be ok. Please breathe your strength on him and carry him home. I know that You are right there with him as You are here with me. Bring us safely home. We’re in Your hands.

My Hillsong Story Still Not Over Yet.
The unexpected turn of events call for some changes in our family. The day I got the final results of my Ethics exam was the day we heard from the doctor the severity of Dad's sickness, hence the day I started dismantling my plans of pursuing the Hillsong Conference this July. I had been looking forward to it all semester long, but that was before Daddy was hospitalized. It was a dream that inspired me and kept me going all throughout the semester. I’ve always believed that God shall complete what He started, and I cling to that promise that someday, perhaps not this July, attending the Hillsong Conference and flying to Australia shall stop being just a dream and start becoming a reality.

Reflecting on this, I realized something. What God gave me October of last year when Ate Dots talked to me was the dream of going there. And well, come to think of it, if God purposed this dream to be something to keep me going until the completion of my college education, then His purpose has already been completed. As for now, perhaps, the completion of this dream is a story for another time.

I started feeling better. I have seen too much miracles already that it’s impossible not to believe that God’s capable of doing more. And so I continued my journey home. An interrupted train ride, a taxi ride, and more agonizing limps later, I was home. I heaved a sigh of relief as I plopped down on Dad and Mom’s bed (that night I chose to sleep in their room), whispered Thank you Lord to the heavens, and in an instant, fell asleep in His embrace.

But the story didn’t end there.

When I woke up that night, still with a fever, I automatically grabbed my mobile phone from the side table and found two missed calls from Kuya Nikos, and a text message. “Ok na si Daddy. Tapos na operation. PTL!”

Another Miracle.
I have lost tract of the number of miracles God allowed us to witness in the span of one month. Like I said, the angiogram was just a diagnostic procedure. We were expecting that the results of the angiogram would be deliberated upon first, then a cardiac surgery would come later, if need be. Apparently, Dad’s heart was too weak for any heart surgery, he might not make it. They found four blockages in his heart, two of which about to break. What the cardiosurgeon did was implant two angioplasties to try to break the blockages, using the same tubes that were used in the angiogram. To make the long dramatic story short, the procedure was a success. Dad’s heart, what we thought and what most doctors thought was an irreversible case, is now functioning normally and on the way to complete recovery.

To most of you, perhaps, this is too long (hehe) to make sense. But to me, to us, this month is another testimony we shall forever live by.

Right now, I’m home with a flu. But I know I will be ok. I have proven in the past weeks that indeed, nothing is impossible with God. That in whatever situation we’re in, His will shall always prevail. And we only need to trust that He knows what He’s doing, that He knows what’s best.

I got home safe that night. Next Monday, upon the doctor’s release, Dad’s coming home too. c”,)

Riz Blabbered @ 3:20:00 PM.


April 14, 2005

I sing to You Lord a hymn of love for Your faithfulness to me. I’m carried in everlasting arms, You’ll never let me go. Through it all. – Hillsong

Mikks claimed to have lost count of the number of times he posted “I’m Back!” in his site. I shall not compete with him for he must have exceeded my score by a couple of points. But then, if this was a race, second place is fine by me. Hehe.

So hey, I’m back (too)! :)

And I’m back with new stories to tell – of love, grace, victories, detours, lessons learned, of peace that surpasses all understanding, and of faith that’s being tested and renewed every single day. c”,)

Excuses, excuses.
Riz.Daydreemz.Com is my (melodramatic) life and thoughts made visual. My friends often accuse me of being too emotional and too “obsessive-compulsive” in this blogsite as I am in real life, and albeit the silent objections and defenses in my mind, I can only smile and shrug them off because I have the word ‘guilty’ written all over the site anyway. Go figure. Hehe.

I’ve been gone for so long. What, three weeks? A month?

I did attempt to update several times though, but everytime I start to do so, I find myself into some kind of a writer’s block (my classic excuse) and I end up making more excuses to delay. That’s weird, I mean, for someone who’s about to graduate (yeaahh!!) from a course that requires a lot of writing. And, although I never had too much blogworthy drama in my life as I had in the past three weeks, I seemed to have left my mind some place far away (probably in the pages of my thesis and my other final requirements), taking away with it the little writing-slash-blogging-capability that I have.

By the way, this afternoon at OMFLit (I shall blabber more about this next time), I realized that I have a big writing problem. I was given my first exercise on writing blurbs, and well, blurbs are supposed to be detailed, concise, and catchy. Problem is, (and how obvious it is, I should add) I have a tendency to blabber too much in my writing (must be an effect of my three-year ranting/blogging stint) that if I had it my way, I would most likely end up giving them two-page blurbs. Pfft. Sorry boss (yes naman, boss, apir Manong Aleks!), I do blahblahs, not blurbs. Hehe. I need some serious training. Pfft.

Anyway, This layout (an alteration of Version 16) had been waiting to be launched since two weeks ago, but it was only now that I finally got the motivation to gather my thoughts, grope for words, and blog something that’s suppose to make sense. So here.

Version 16.2. Through It All
I have just found myself (for the nth time in my life) freefalling back into God’s kung-fu tight embrace, realizing that the only reason why I’ve been so tired, restless, and lost the past few days is because in my struggle to survive the agony of each day, I had unconsciously wandered away from Him. I realized that I have allowed my own strength and will to take over, and that I have allowed fear and self-centeredness to take away the beauty of God’s purposes in my life. I realized that I’ve been waiting and searching for directions when there really ain’t no other way but to look up.

So here I am again, speaking of things you've heard before. And then I realized that we can never really treasure and fully understand the things we claim to have already known and heard before until we find ourselves in situations where our faith is put to test, and these truths and promises we have in God are the only things we can cling on to.

Then I realized over again, that it’s usually an unending cycle, these Christian lives we have. We face difficult situations, we get too involved with ourselves, we fail, we wander away from God, we gloat for awhile, then we get tired having to rely on our own strengths and we end up longing to fill that “God-shaped void” in our hearts. Then we find ourselves yearning to come back home into His embrace, and to have that joy and comfort that can only be found in Him.

You are forever in my life, You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand, and lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You, and I wait on You..

I sing to You Lord a hymn of love for Your faithfulness to me
I’m carried in everlasting arms, You’ll never let me go, through it all

Amazing how in spite these, God loves us still. How through it all, He never lets us go. How every single day, we come face to face with the truth that there’s nothing we could ever offer Him that would make Him love us more, and just the same, there’s no failure that we could ever commit that would make Him love us less. With God, without a doubt, is the greatest romance.

♥ ♥ ♥

Didn’t I just say that this site is my melodramatic life made visual? Yeah, yeah. c”,)

Eek. This has gone so long already. I shall post another one na lang ulit soon – like, tomorrow, hopefully. I’m sure some lurkers here (Ate Dots? Ate Alpha? You guys around? Hehe) are hoping to read something about my Dad (who’s in the hospital), and the big changes in the plans I’ve made prior to Dad’s hospitalization (Australia included). I’m still at a lost and still disoriented as to where I go from here, but I believe in my heart that God is in control.

So there. This has to do for now. I shall be back again. c”,)

Riz Blabbered @ 12:39:00 AM.


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