Design and Writings by Riz
Bluedfiles Version 17
� April 2005

Twenty-One.
Twenty-one years ago, Mommy and I had to stay in the hospital for more than a week after she gave birth to me. She had serious complications upon delivering me, which resulted to cardiac arrest. You know how it's like in tagalog movies? Life and death situations where the father has to choose which one to save, the baby or the mother? Mom and I had gone through all that drama. Mommy being revived by the doctors while little Rhiza being kept alive by an incubator. But what can we say? God has been good. He gave me a chance to see the world, and gave my mother another chance to live. Since then, May 21 has been our birthday.

Twenty-one years after, Mommy and I are in the hospital again. This time around, I am the one who has to take care of her. She's got complications on her liver, and we're still waiting for the doctors' diagnosis. So there I was last night, beside Mom's bed, watching her sleep, trying to read this book I got for my birthday (Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot). Also, trying hard not to think of the worst thing that could happen, and hoping to figure out which one comes first in God's list of reasons for letting this happen.

For my birthday, I could think of a lot of things I could have blogged here -- my quiet celebration at home with two of my closest friends, the psuedo-surprise party my friends organized for me last sunday in church, or my room's new and improved look (oohh.. I had a looong blog about this but the computer didn't cooperate, ugh). And though these events are all worth blogging, nothing beats this one..

The smell of chlorine, the feel of the crisp white blanket with UST Hospital logos all over it, the cold air on our cheeks, and my Mom and I post-celebrating our birthdays right there in the middle of that hospital room, knowing full well that God is in control.

Now when I think of the best birthday I've had.. even through a big storm, this year's has climbed the chart. Definitely.

Riz Blabbered @ 3:19:00 PM.

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Last Day at Work.
My last day at work ended up at Starbucks Libis. Nothing grand, really. After saying goodbye to these guys I spent my last three months with, some members of the team had our usual breakfast together at GoodAh, and later, some coffee at Starbucks. It feels as if it wasn't my last day at all. And I could only thank them for saving me from all the drama.

It wasn't that hard, as I thought it would be. Maybe because I know I'll be coming back, and will be seeing these guys again. Yesterday was almost the same but today was a little bit lighter. Maybe because somehow, I've prepared myself for this day, which I knew was inevitable right from the start.

I'll be posting pics soon. But as for now, I'm just glad that my call center stint was over, I have made really good friends, and life goes on without regrets. c",)

I was reminded again, of this quote I got from her. I guess this is one of those times when it's applicable most. So again, I quote: "There's a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over--and to let go. It means leaving what's over without denying its validity or its past importance in our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on rather than out.."

And so, again, I move on.

I Therefore Conclude, Hehe.
JoyClub pips, Esbi, and all those people I feel I have neglected for a while.. I'm yours again, guys. SWIMMING NA TAYOOO!! GIMIK GIMIK!! Kahit araw araw pa!

JC girls.. swimming ulit? c",)

And, Uh, by the way, UP pips, uh, kelan nga enrolment? Help here please. Before I forget the primary reason why I had to resign. c",)

Riz Blabbered @ 11:46:00 AM.

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Before anything else, let me invite you guys.. JOIN US AT CHRISTIANSTER. c",)

And I just made myself a taglish blog na rin. Uso ata eh. :)

Now I rant.

Random Thoughts on Election Period.
One of the worst feelings is losing your G-tech (that Pilot sign pen you can get for a relatively expensive price of P62.00 at National Bookstore), especially for people like me who can't write a thing without it. Anyone here who can relate to what I'm saying, please raise your hand. I lost my G-tech when I went out to vote yesterday. I feel so freakin' bad. All for the love of the country. Ha, ha. ;)

I am, finally, a full-pledged Filipino voter. It wasn't really an ecstaticly overwhelming experience.. but it was definitely a big change for me -- a definable reminder that I am, indeed, starting to grow of age. I didn't have problems looking for my precint, by the way, which is a good thing. It didn't take an hour to fall in line and cast our votes as well. At least, no traumas on my first time. What remains to be annoying in practicing one's voting right, as I have experienced, is, ta-da, this ugly indelible ink stuck on my index nail, that just won't go off. Now aren't you thankful elections come only once in a long while? ;)

Aright, seriously now. Who did I vote for, you may ask? I wasn't decided yet until the morning of the election day. My dad and I seriously debated over it a few days ago, but after much praying, God revealed to me what I needed to hear. I shouldn't let my fears get in the way of my decisions. It's not enough reason to vote for one candidate in order to prevent the other candidate from winning. It's not also enough reason to vote for that candidate who's most likely to win so as not to waste my vote. Despite the many pressures around (my dad included, hehe) I have decided to vote for the one who's most unlikely to be voted for. That candidate who's got a little chance of winning. I was reminded, that win or lose, God ordains who's going to lead this country for the next six years. And whether or not my candidate wins, God's will will be God's will. Whoever wins, He ordains. That's assurance enough for me.

So sino nga? Ah.. bale, si FPJ nga pala. Hehe.

. . .

Now while people are enjoying the national holiday, we, meanwhile, as usual, had to go to work. And let me tell you, it wasn't easy dragging my feet to work on a rainy night when everybody else looked forward to resting up after a long election day. It wasn't easy calling after American clients and having them hang up on you when all you could think of was spending the cold summer night with a good book, a glass of iced tea, and the sound of the raindrops through your ears. Man, it was a hard job to do. Not even the double pay was worth the torture. (Uh, but then again, on the second thought.. hehe..)

One more torturous week like this and I'm off this call center for good. I'm not exactly excited to leave behind this life I lived for the past three months. I'm excited to catch up on the remaining days of summer, and leave the monotony of this industry I'm in, yes. And yet, leaving my friends, my family for the past three months, is going to be an even more torturous thing. *sigh* Four days left.

. . .

Lastly, this is a text from a really close friend. In the middle of phone calls at work this morning, I stopped midtrack and felt myself punched right into my nose. I'll leave my friend nameless. But here goes her text: "Dude, di ba sabi ko sayo, I always cry at night asking God when I will be enough? Tonyt, He aswered me with this question.. "How bout you, *name here*, when will I be enough?"

So there goes my ultimate rebuke for the month. I've always found myself wanting for a lot of things, discontented. And there goes God, asking us.. "How about you, my child, when will I be enough?"

Ouch. So now, with my knee bruised, I picked myself up and decided to start trying again.

Riz Blabbered @ 8:05:00 AM.

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When Silence is Enough.
I started typing something a while back. Three paragraphs into it, I started clicking on the backspace and eventually, deleted the whole thing altogether.

Sometimes, when there are just too much to rant, too much thoughts running in our minds, the best thing to do is to just shut up and let the silence speak for itself. So hey, I thought of doing that.
















Breathing space. That's what I need. Right here. Right now.

Riz Blabbered @ 4:08:00 PM.

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