Design and Writings by Riz
Bluedfiles Version 17
� April 2005

The Passion of the Christ.
He Took the Fall, and Thought of Me.. Above All.

I'm sure you've read all sorts of commentaries about it already. Some sees it as a legend, a breakthrough in the film industry. Others were inspired, and had their lives changed because of it. In a negative tone however, I just heard from someone that there was this news this morning that a priest actually died upon seeing the movie. Uh, heart attack? Something like that. For the past months, different sectors tried to stop the producers from having the movie shown, because of some controversies and other unbiblical scenes said to have been added to the movie. Well, I'm not about to react on any of these, or comment on how the film was created, or any of that matter. I'm here to tell you of my experience, and how I felt about it.

First off, I was crying 15 minutes prior to the start of the movie. First drops of tears started when one of those soldiers who captured Jesus spitted on His face. At first, all I thought was that it was really disgusting, having someone's saliva on your face. But when the soldier spitted on His face again, I almost felt it. Jesus took the shame head on, because of love. Man, I can't even imagine myself having someone spit on my face for the love of another person. But Jesus went through with it.. in fact, He's done so much more.

And so the agony started.

The thing is, that scene alone gave me goosebumps. For those who have seen it already, imagine now how I felt all throughout the movie. That particular scene, actually, was far from worst. The 12 hours before Christ's death were prolonged, and every single moment were made to look so real, as if it's happening right before your eyes. Now I really hate seeing blood.. but this movie showed blood almost 90% of the time, and even when we had to read the subtitles (which I usually hate), there was no way anyone won't see the whole point of it all. Yes, I know the story well from Sunday School, but there I was, crying non-stop as the story unfolded before me once more, this time in a whole new different light. Most of the time I had to close my eyes shut because I couldn't take any more of the blood, of all the curses, and all the crying, happening all at the same time. And yet, while I had my eyes close, I was sobbing uncontrollably still, even just with the sound of every whip on Christ's body, and every moan that came from His mouth. Many times over, I clung on to my bestfriend sitting beside me, and silently whispered to no one in particular, tama na.. tama na please.. But the torture Jesus went through continued.

I had too much in my mind that I wanted to ask God right there and then, if I were given the chance. I wanted to ask Him why He allowed all that to happen when He's got all the power to stop the pain He's going through in the first place. I thought about what Mary felt, having her son tortured that way in her face, and how Jesus' disciples must have felt.. I thought about all those Pharisees, who for their own selfish reasons, crucified to death the only person who could save them from their sins. But most of all, I couldn't help sending this silent question to God, Lord, why do you love us this much? Then I remembered all those things I've done which nailed Him to the cross. Yes, I am one of those who nailed Him there.. I am one of the reasons why Christ suffered that way.

To be honest though, I wanted the movie to end right away. Somehow I was telling God, Ok, enough of this already.. can we move on to that part where You're crucified so we can have this over and done with? I got you're point na, Lord, tama na po.. But He seemed to really want all of us to see for ourselves how much He loves us. Finally, after less than two hours, after all the torture, and as the climax where Christ's hand was nailed to the cross subsided, I, along with the whole congregation, had a huge sigh of relief. It was accomplished, Christ had said.

He had His last breath, accomplishing that one thing He's destined to do.. to die for our sins.

When the movie had it's closing credits, everyone remained on their seats, silenced. I heard muffled cries everywhere, and in the silence of the movie theater, someone sang this familiar song, Thank You For The Cross. I felt everyone around me crying their heart out. I had to leave soon though coz I had to rush to work, so I wasn't able to hear the closing remarks. But a few minutes after we left the theater, I was at the back seat of our car, crying still.

As for me, this is another song that still keeps on ringing into my mind..

        Crucified, laid behind a stone
        Lived to die, rejected and alone
        Like a rose, trampled on the ground..
        He took the fall, and thought of me
        Above all..

Now that I think about it, the most heartbreaking thing is, He was thinking of me when He was walking His way to His death. In my life, I've suffered so little yet I reasoned out with God, chose my own happiness over His, and disobeyed Him so many times. It always took me so much effort giving up something for Christ. And yet He Himself suffered for me, far greater than anybody ever did, and I ever did, without questions asked. And now that I've come to visualize what Christ has done for me, I found myself falling in love with Him more and more, and hoping to strive even more to be that person that He wants me to be.. to please Him, and to show Him how grateful I am.

My rating for the movie? Very highly recommended. Go watch it out for yourselves.

My rating for what Christ has done? Un-rate-able. Words fail me.

Riz Blabbered @ 10:39:00 AM.

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The Last on the 'Date' Thing.
Whew. Soooo many people are reacting to that "date" thing. I'm not sure if I should be surprised or what. Or should I react back? For the last time, (why do I feel like some people would think I'm being defensive here? hehe) it was just one friendly date my friend set me up with because she's doing me a friendly favor, and the guy turned out to become one of my good friends too. He's not doing any 'next move' at all, as far as I know, and I wouldn't let him either because as for now, that's something I wouldn't want to get myself into. And why would I be in a 'date' if that's something I didn't want myself to get into, you may ask? Like I said, it was set-up, and I did it for a favor. That's all there was to it. Case close? No more 'yihee, date!' reactions please? Hehe. Peace guys. c",)

More Rants.
I got home from work this morning, kinda depressed because while my team mates are on their way to Puerto Gallera right this minute, I, on the other hand, am here, wishing I was there. I feel like a highschooler. I wanted so badly to go, but for some reasons, I wasn't allowed to. So as I was saying, I went home, positioned myself in front of the TV, and after a while, fell asleep over this Hearts of Atlantis DVD. I woke up 3 hours later, and here I am now, ranting my heart out.

I hate feeling different. Sometimes, I feel as if I've been missing out on a lot in this world because some people are trying to protect me from the harms of it. It's insulting at times, as if I don't have my own discretion on things, and I don't have my own standards of what's good for me and what's not. Aryt, the concern is really overwhelming, and it does help sometimes. But still, don't you think it's more convincing if we experience things and learn from it our own way? Now, eventually, when you try to be honest about this, about what you feel, and you try to reason out, you end up hurting the other person and all of a sudden you feel guilty about feeling the way you felt. And at the end of it, the situation wasn't changed and you're still treated like a little kid. Ok, maybe I am still a kid, because I'm really having a hard time understanding it all. You get it? Ok, this is one big jumble of rants. I'm not sure if anyone understands me anymore.

Right now, I'm one confused brat. But yes, ok, maybe, to some extent, I do understand why it had to be like this. Haha, confused nga ako. Ano ba.

Moving on..
I have Passion of the Christ premier tickets for the 23rd playdate. Wanna join us? The movie has hoarded thousands of comments, credits, and reviews (both negative and positive). I have to admit, it's getting more and more interesting. I can't wait! At least I have other things to look forward to.

Another week has passed, I almost didn't notice it. There are times when you become too tired of the monotony of each day, that you want to fastforward the hours, the days, the years. But there are times when you just want to freeze the moment right where it is, and make that certain moment last as long as you want. Right now, I feel the former. Next week, maybe, that would have to change as well.

Arg, enough ranting. Thanks for the comments, everyone. And for the hugs as well.. I got 184 now. If I only know who you guys are. Do yourselves a favor (hehe), leave a comment and I'm gona hug you back. c",)

Plugs. in order of appearance, er, comments. :)
brokensaint heero nyeneks emily wulfgar noni trisha ayeza slitherdude marian jampot linmer

Have a great weekend everyone! c",)

Riz Blabbered @ 11:48:00 AM.

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Random Thoughts.
I had a whole lota things that I thought of blogging about, but inevitably, as I position myself in front of the PC, I found myself tongue-tied.. (uh, I meant, fingers-tied?) Yep. It's one of those days when you want to blog something but for some reason, you just don't feel like blogging in sensible paragraphs with sensibly related sentences.

I thought of blogging about getting addicted to Gloria Jeans' Vanilla Caramel Cappuccino Chiller. (GJ is nearer to our office building than Starbucks, that's why);

Then I considered writing about our team leader, making calls and completing surveys for me this morning because I wasn't able to reach quota for the first three hours of shift (never mind the call center jargons), and the reflections I got from that;

..or about our very inspiring and insightful PDL discussion group at church, and my personal 40 days of purpose as well (we're on our tenth day);

..about my father, preaching his sermon last Sunday as if to address the message directly at me, I feel like hearing my name every after two sentences (Now this is what I get for being a pastor's kid. Woo!);

..about surviving 24 hours without sleep last Monday;

..and watching all three Matrix movies with my brother in one sitting;

..about the set-up "date" my friend got myself into which some people are probing me about (Sorry girls, I really ain't got much to say about it except that the guy was nice, but it wasn't really as special as you probably think it should be. Hehe, aryt? He turns out to be a good friend, take it from there.)

..about how it feels to receive your first pay slip;

..and enjoying work too much you start to worry that you're enjoying it too much (uh?);

..and why for some reasons, dreading the next 15 days to end.


Obviously, I wasn't able to make up my mind on which to blog. So I'll leave this blog as it is. But before I do, just wanna share this quote I got from her. Juice it out.

"There's a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over--and to let go. It means leaving what's over without denying its validity or its past importance in our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on rather than out." --Ellen Goodman,

Man, I know it will come in handy sometime.. someday soon, most likely.

Riz Blabbered @ 9:50:00 AM.

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It's March already. Time, indeed, flies.

Basta ang Mahalaga, Ngayon, Kasama Kita.
Curious? Read on. c",)

I woke up this morning, from a sleep undepeened by all sorts of thoughts circling through this brain of mine. (yes kuya, I do have one! haha!). Expectedly, inasmuch as I needed more sleep, I couldn't anymore. So I checked my mobile, hoping that my inbox would be teeming with new messages as it used to, only to find out I have none. Surprise, surprise! I really have to get myself used to that.

And so i laid back and tried reviewing the week that passed.

One of my teammates, Mishy (ok, i'm giving out her name, she wouldn't be reading this anyway.), will be leaving the team for a couple of weeks for a different project. And somehow, with her being one of the closest buddies I have there, I feel as if I rank second or third among those who are going to be affected the most.

I always tell her that I have a fear of giving myself out too much, and letting myself be emotionally attached to a person whom I know would be leaving soon anyway. I guess that's how melancholics are, always looking beyond and trying to come up with an immediate action plan to save themselves from more struggles in the end. Always too careful to that extent where they prevent themselves already from enjoying what they have now because they're afraid to get hurt.

And so, with this, Mishy rebutted, "Paki ko kung mawawala ka.. basta ang mahalaga, ngayon, kasama kita.." Uhuh, a little bit too makata and mushy, and it wont hurt to say that we had a good laugh after she said those lines, but it did make an impact at that particular time.. until now, actually.

You see, I won't be staying long in this company I'm working in right now, it's no secret anyway. I'd be resigning before classes start in June. But if I spend the next few months trying to keep my work relationships just at a professional level and not get too personal so that it won't be hard for me to leave them in the end, then I probably would have even more regrets. Right? Bear with me, this is the first time I experience this world out here, and somehow, most of the time I find myself still adjusting, and still lost. But hey, one thing I'm sure, God puts in certain people in our lives at certain points for a reason and the best we can do is not let these reasons be taken for granted. More importantly, I'm sure He wants me to just enjoy and learn from every moment of what I have, and where I am, now.

So hey, Mishy, even though you probably won't get to read this anyway, thanks for the mushy word of advice. You don't know the impact it had on me. :)

PDL Campaign Starts.
The Forty days of Purpose campaign, inspired by Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life started off in our church, along with other Christian churches, yesterday. It was off to a very inspiring start, and for me, I'm sure it'll be one good way to culminate the spiritual dryness I've had for the past few weeks.

And to make the event even sweeter, I thank God for allowing that this one person really close to my heart joins the PDL campaign with me as well.

Plugs.
I have this Last Song Syndrome blog I've had for months now. I've neglected it for quite a while but now, inspired by her, I'm going to open it up for comments and stuff like that. You might wanna visit it.. ;)

Lastly..
I have a date tonight. A set-up one, which I'm going to do because a friend asked me to, and because it's supposed to be a trade off (She's doing me some sort of a favor). It ain't such a big deal. Just some coffee before my shift starts. Well, at least I get to have a ride to work. Yeah, I'm really excited now (sarcasm full blast!). Oh well. All for a good cause.

So there.

Riz Blabbered @ 10:06:00 AM.

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