Design and Writings by Riz
Bluedfiles Version 17
� April 2005

bothered.
i've been thinking so much since the day i turned 20.. (uhuh come to think of it, i've been thinking a lot my whole life, being the melacholic that i am. riiight..). it's just that, i feel as if the very thing i avoided has happened after all.. and it bothers me so much, and yet, i know i really shouldn't be... but if i really shouldn't be bothered.. then why am i? =(

my prayer.
Dear Lord, You know my heart and You know my deepest desires.. and i'm really thankful that after such a long time, You've allowed me to feel this kind of love again... but i love you more Lord.. and if these feelings are not from You, please take them away.. i know you have so much in store for me, so much responsibilities for me to do.. and i would be so willing to give him up... for You... and for myself... and for him as well... if this is something You have in Your plans, then i am sooo thankful for this... pero if this is some sort of a test, then give me wisdom and discernment... coz i sure want to pass this test for You... i can't do this alone po.. i would really need Your help...

Riz Blabbered @ 1:40:00 PM.

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plug plug.
im having problems with my FTP, i couldn't update some pages of this site.. for the meantime, visit these wonderful people i traded links with.. keren and mark.

and, if you wana get kiliged, visit kuya kid's mushiness. hehe.. *huugs kid*

ayt.. i have soo much in my mind right now but i haven't thought of what to write yet... one of these days, i guess..

right. that's just the procastinator me. always putting things off. wee!

Riz Blabbered @ 9:34:00 AM.

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twenty.
i wanted to sleep but i couldnt...

so here i am, spending the first few hours of my 20th year in front of the computer, typing my heart out.. my wish has been made, the candles (without the cake though, take that!) have been blown, the numerous greetings have died down, the landline has stopped ringing, and my cellphone's stopped beeping as well... and as i put the phone down after talking with my bestfriend (whom i haven't talked with for sooo long) and finished saving my friends' birthday greetings on the messages+ of my cellphone, i now find myself in this eerie silence, struggling with the reality that i, indeed, am not a teenager anymore...

and then i ask myself, is there really a difference? two hours ago i was just 19.. and now, this is still the same me, only a year older..

for the past two hours i have been bombarded with statements like, "welcome to the 20s, riz!", "yikes riz, bente ka na!", "ang tanda mo na bruh!", "20? omigosh! i cant believe this!!", and "nak, bente ka na.. wala nang birthday gift ha.." among many others.. and the day, MY day, has just started! (i mean, i dont get it, what's the connection of being 20 and not having a birthday gift??! hmp!)

now what? should i feel pressured or excited? are people expecting me to suddenly stop being a kid and start acting like an adult? am i not allowed to watch powerpuff girls anymore becoz I'M 20?!!?! should i change my wardrobe of jeans and baby tees altogether and start wearing dresses and business attires instead? or should i get rid of all the seven piglet pillows i've had since highschool and replace it with something plain and soft-colored?

i thought about all these in all 30seconds and i therefore came to a conclusion... it doesn't really matter! yes, it's still the same rhiza you've all known and er, loved (?).. still 5'2 (yup, i haven't grown in height), still brown-eyed, still chubby.. the only difference is the technicality of being 20.

so now, as i look back to those 20 years of my life, i realized that i should just forget about the pressures of being not-a-teenager-anymore and just smile and be thankful instead for all the wonderful things God has blessed me with -- the people i've met through the years, the mistakes i've done and the lessons i've learned through them, and the simple joys of life i've encountered here and there..

today's just an ordinary day.. but on a bigger picture, today marks... yes, a new chapter of my life.

change? yeah.. i'm sure there'll be lots of them.. little by little though.. nothing drastic.. after all, i'm not ready to give up my wardrobe, and my piglet pillows just yet...

Riz Blabbered @ 1:55:00 AM.

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i'm back!!!
yahoo! that's right, i'm back!! =) after more than a month of being on a hiatus, i'm finally back home... with a reinforced faith, renewed life, and a whole bunch of people journeying along with me.. *sigh*

the month that was...
i wouldnt be able to put in writing the wonderful memories Kawayan Camp has brought to my life... but just so you get an idea of how much it made a difference in our lives, i would have to say that for the past week, i always find myself crying over the thought of KC... i miss the people, i miss the campsite, i miss the things that we all grew accustomed to for one whole month, i miss everything... sigh... if only i could put every single experience into writing, i would.. but then, i guess you really have to be there to understand...

on top of all these, i have once again proven how great God is for allowing all these things to happen..

a week has passed but until now, i still find myself crying once in a while... amazing how my life revolved around one whole group of people for one whole month, learning and doing the same things with them.. and amazing how attached we all became after that short period of time... i guess that explains the tears we all shed as we say goodbye..

i still find myself in tears at times, yes... but after all the tears have gone dry, genuine happiness and gratitude remains... after all, the memories are enough to keep us smiling in the end...

I MISS YOU KC2K3 PIPS!!!! Keep the Faith & Heed the Call, ayt? =) i'm sure God has sooo much in store for us.. naeexcite na ko.. walang iwanan ha? =) *grouphuuug*

Riz Blabbered @ 4:34:00 PM.

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