Design and Writings by Riz
Bluedfiles Version 17
� April 2005

aboutmylife.net
i have a new addiction. i just signed up at aboutmylife.net. that's like, my 7th online journal, i think. i won't tell where it is though. unless you're my really really close friend. ;)

jen, ate jam and about a dozen of our KCmates, are spending the Christmas break at Caliraya for the National Conference i mentioned the other day. i, meanwhile, am here in Manila, fully booked. hehe.

i'll be going to church in a while to practice for tomorrow's (Sunday) Worship Service. all the rest of our church's Praise and Worship team (jen included) are out somewhere spending their Christmas vacations, and/or at work. tonight, the "band" will include ME and the Worship leader. no backups, no drummers, no bassists, no guitarists.. hehe, this is going to be uh, different. just the two of us.. and Him, of course. my dad's nagging me for spending the whole afternoon logged into the net (hehe). i better get going now.

but before that.. :)

gimme a hug!
someone told me she loves hugging me. and that.. is one of the best compliments i've ever heard in my life. now you see, i luuuuv hugging people. and what could be a better compliment than being loved for what you love doing? c",)

so hey.. gimme gimme some huggin!! :)




*HUGS* TOTAL!
give browneyed more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

thank youuu!! c",)

[ed.] Yey! as i type this (December 31), i got 40 hugs already. I duno where all them came from.. whoever you guys are, thank you!! Tell me who you are and i'll give you hugs back. :) Happy New Year!! c",)

Riz Blabbered @ 3:54:00 PM.

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Merry Christmas everyone!!

i'll make it simple this year.

don't you just find it amazing how God allows us to celebrate Christmas every year? that we get to spend it with the ones we love, to have fun, and to give and receive gifts as if it's OUR birthday. and there goes the celebrant Himself, silently watching over us, overflowing with love.

it was His birthday. but He shared it with us by being born into this world to save us from our sins, asking only one simple gift from us.. our hearts, our gratitude, our love, our acceptance. and since it's His birthday now, wouldnt it be the best opportunity to give Him what He deserves? c",)

now you see.. if you give Jesus all that, the truth is, you gain so much more.
amazing isn't it?

to you dear Jesus, Happy Birthday! thank you for giving Your life to us..

Riz Blabbered @ 12:10:00 PM.

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i have a new friend again. meet.. Kerby. --> c",)

and my guestbook, (uh yeah.. meet him too. his name is.. uhm.. Blooey.) has something to say: thank you ate jang, kat, kuya chris, and doc ric (dabest? you haven't seen the best yet... harhar!ü), for cheering me up.üüü

cheer up Blooey some more?ü

ok.. seriously now. c",)

KC2k3 mini-reunion.
after seven months, we're with them again. Joni, Ina, and Jenmai, our KCmates from Bacolod, are finally here in Manila, after months of praying. they're here to spend the Christmas break, and to attend IVCF's National Conference (which i wouldn't be attending. my schedule is already booked up, hehe.ü) from the 26th to the 30th. they're what i was up to the whole day. there i was, the great self-appointed personal secretary, back in business again. a little bit more challenging now though, because instead of organizing a schedule for one (last september, i was Joni's personal secretary-slash-tourguide on her first stay here), i have three clients this time. PROBONO, of course.ü

Hobbes (Robert to some) and i went to pick them up from the port, and took them to the IVCF building in Fairview, where the rest of our KCmates were. it was, indeed, one reunion we all dreamed of.ü


* * *

i posted this on my tabula a few days ago.

it's that time of the year.
it's that time of the year when stepping out the house, and feeling the cold breeze on your face make you helplessly try to resist the urge to become sentimental. that time of the year when you find yourself constantly staring outside the car window, staring at all those twinkling Christmas lights with that dreamy smile on your face. that time of the year when even without an airconditioner or an electric fan, you'll need to wear a sweatshirt and cover yourself up with a thick blanket to stay warm.

and that time of the year when all the ingredients needed for a long, sound sleep (tired from a looong day of Christmas shopping and choir practice, soft Christmas music, cold night, warm blanket, fluffy pillow, the works) are before you yet your eyes just won't shut off.

sleepless nights. sentiments. wishes. dreams. hope. love.

yep, it's definitely that time of the year..


* * *

the Lord is good.
we were at my ninong's house in Quezon City. jen and i were staging our own amateur acoustic night on their living room -- me on the keyboards, and jen, vocals. Soon enough, ninong valen started singing second voice with us. Later on, my dad was jamming with us as well. We sang song after song, from old Hymns to Hillsongs, to old Christmas carols, to Papuri music, to Kid's Praise (lovely!). Before the night was over, everyone who were there in the house were singing with us na. and our voices actually blended.

what are we again, jen? influential people? ;)
oh by the way.. meet Winky too. --> ;)

anyway, there was this one song which has kept playing through my thoughts ever since.

The Lord is good, the Lord is good
Blessed is the man who puts His trust in Him
The Lord is good, the Lord is good
Taste and see that the Lord is good..

simple words, simple music, but it's so much felt deep within. and as i keep on singing it, it's even more felt. that night, as i laid down my bed and closed my eyes, i sang that simple song of worship twice, thrice, many times over, and marveled at God's goodness in my life.. all these years.

tonight, i'll be singing that one again. c",)

Riz Blabbered @ 1:53:00 AM.

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i have a new friend.. meet.. uh, Smiley. --> ü

55 word fiction.
i was browsing around when i found macy's site a few months ago. I was impressed by her work that i found myself hoping i could make my own 55 word fiction too. It was only recently that i got to see this site from where she got her inspiration. They're amazing. Now i'm even more inspired. Go check them out.ü

Anyway, this is one of my favorites.ü

rude interruption.
I began writing my 55 Fiction story when suddenly a loud humming arose outside. I opened the door to find–a space ship!

Four tiny creatures emerged. I invited them in for tea. I told them my story idea. They said it was boring and that I should write about them instead, so I did.

nice eh? i love stories with aliens in them! i feel home. (uh, did i just say home?)anyway, now.. here's my very own, first ever 55 word fiction!! juice it out. ta-da!ü

count dracula.
It was way past four in the morning. She still couldn't sleep. She remembered that Sesame Street episode where Count Dracula counted sheep. She thought, i should try that too.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen...

She counted till the break of dawn, but she still couldnt sleep.

haha, i am such a cheater. ok, ok, that's lame, counting up all the remaining number of words left, hehe. i know, i know. i'll try to come up with a good one next time.ü

* * *

of Paskuhans and epitaphs. (uh, konek?)
i was at UST's Paskuhan yesterday night. To tell the truth, there was nothing really grand about it, except that we got to see the great brokensaint again (yeaahh!); my HS friend, anna; and my SVmate, ma'am cathy. Plus, i got to spend the night with my friends again, which has always been fun naman.ü I wasn't really planning to go.. but i'm glad i did. Last year, i blogged something about the Paskuhan too. Amazing how time flies by.

Uh.. there. That's it.

Well, that's not ALL of it of course. I mean, don't you find it weird how everything can be summed up in one or two paragraphs, when what actually happened is so much more than that? In the same way, when you tell someone about a person, though there are so much to say about her/him, you end up stating just about two sentences. The person you're talking to, then, gets only a vague picture of who you're talking about. One word: Unjustified. Pictures don't usually justify how a person actually looks. And so are words. Most of the time, they are not enough.

Which makes me think.. i wonder what people say of me when someone happened to mention my name out of the blue. or what my friends say of me when i'm not around. not that i care too much about how people see me. it's just that, eventually, when i die, i would want that people would remember me uh, somewhat, nicely. (there goes the lack of words again, hehe). but aryt, more than that, our lives here on earth will just be a mere one to two paragraph introduction to the real thing called eternity. (all my 20 years on earth in two paragraphs. whoa.) i wonder how my introduction would be like. of course if you're reading Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life, you know very well where my inspiration is coming from. hehe.ü

Anyway, i wont squeeze my brain anymore for words. C.S. Lewis (in his "Chronicles of Narnia") has already given quite a beautiful composition on this.

"For us, this is the end of all stories. But for them, it was only the beginning of the real story. All of their life in this world had only been the cover and title page: now at least they're beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has read, which goes on forever, and in which every chapter is better than the one before.."

Uh, it wasn't a one to two paragraph introduction pala. just the cover and title page. Hehe.ü Parang epitaph. Man, i do pray that someday, my life will be worth looking back to. and that my cover and title page will be worth reading as well.

As for now, I haven't thought of what my epitaph would be like. But at least I've decided what kind of flowers I'd want people to throw in on my coffin: White daisies. yupyup.ü

i'm obviously dreaming already. yaaaawn.

plugs.
trish nyeneks vince nalani slitherdude keren marian
my guestbook's kinda lonely.. cheer it up please?ü

one more week before Christmas!!üüü yey!

Riz Blabbered @ 2:23:00 AM.

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i posted this at BITS. hihi.

a definite BITS moment.
after almost an hour playing the guitar and singing along with it..
me: akyat na ko.. antok na ko eh.
him: wait lang.. *started playing a familiar tune on the guitar*
me: anuyan??
him: guess mo! *continued playing the guitar and humming with it*
me: *recognized the song* waaah!! gusto ko yan!! *sang some lines.. i need you so, that i cry.. (it was a really old song from Riding in Cars with Boys. LSS ako sa kantang yun since last week. i've been searching for an MP3, the complete lyrics, and the chords. he remembered.)
him: *sang along* i love you so, that is why..
him & me: whenever i want you all i have to do.. is dream.. dream, dream dream..
            i need you so.. that i cry
            i love you so.. that is why
            whenever i want you all i have to do
            is dream.. dream, dream, dream..
*repeated the song until we're crying of laughter.*
(we didnt know any other lines but those four kasi.)

after a while..
me: haay, pagod na ko. gnyt na.
him: ok..
me: *got off the bed and started walking towards the door*
him: gnyt bunsuy..
me: *stopped midway, went back, and hugged him tight* gnyt kuya.. i love you.
him: i love you too..

man, i missed my brother too much.

Riz Blabbered @ 12:47:00 PM.

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this is serious.
this afternoon, i had a serious case of confusion on whether or not i love webdesigning more than blogging. it's just that.. i feel as if i update my layouts more than i blog. and i'm quite not sure if that's good or bad. i mean, for one, designing does cure me of boredom. and on one job interview i had last month, my interviewer was quite impressed with my self-acquired skills on webdesign. (i assume though, that he knows nothing about HTML. because if he was an expert, he would think i'm just one of those amateur designers.. which i am.) on the other hand though, it's sooo addicting. just how blogging is. and everytime i log on to my site, to put it in tagalog.. hindi talaga ako mapakali.

i promised i won't get addicted to this. arrg. i need a doctor. help!

he told me he liked the *bumaround graphic i had on. i'm putting it off though, to give way to this Christmas layout. IT will be back up though, after the holidays. OR, anytime i feel like it.

so hey.. it's Christmas. 17 days to go, if my calculation didn't fail me. i won't have any dough this Christmas. no school, no allowance. no job, no money. so i'm saying it as early as now.. i will not have any presents for anybody this year, aryt?

i have lots of love to give though. anyone? c",)

plugs.
eyang stephen slitherdude nalani jampot slitherdude again
KC2K3 has a new layout! check it out!
take my quiz at http://whiza.friendtest.com. :)

Riz Blabbered @ 8:14:00 PM.

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hacked.
our PC was hacked by some unknown creature. arg. someone signed my guestbook, i checked her site out, and now, i get pop ups and other annoying ads even when i'm offline. i can't get them off. my friend, (yihee, friend na kita mark!) told me it's called, uh.. spyware. something like that. help? anyone?

riding in cars with boys.
i clicked on HBO a while ago, and this old Drew Barrymore flick was on. it was both funny and touching.. and the kid, who's name happened to be Jason (of all names! ha, ha!) was really adorable. the plot was kinda typical. Barrymore was a 15 year old mother, going through all the struggles of trying to get a college scholarship, and raising a kid by herself. it was from a book which she authored where the title of the movie came from. if im not mistaken, it was a true story. anyway, typical as it was, i found myself gripping my pillow and crying like crazy before the movie ended. i dont know though, if it was the effect of the movie itself or i'm just plain cheesy. i loved these lines most specially..

Fay (the bestfriend): how bout you, do you love Jason?
Bev (Drew): yes.. no.. i'm not really sure...
Fay: what do you mean?
Bev: i'm really don't know if i really, really love him or if i just have to love him.. *sobs* and the fact that i dont know scares me to death. i am such a bad mother...
Fay: oh come on.. you're not! take my word for it, you love him. it's just that.. sometimes, we love a person too much that we become numb about it. because if we actually feel how much we love the person, it kills us. but that doesnt make you a bad person.. it only means your heart is too big..

sweet huh? :) uh.. i knew it. i was just cheesy.

enough about that.

the depression that was. (cross entry from my tabulas)
i hate it that when i get inspired to blog something, most of the time it's because of depression or disappointment. i'll try to blog about happy thoughts soon. but now, allow me to rant.

you know that feeling? that after almost a whole day of laughter, and genuine happiness, most especially, after a realy inspiring Sunday Worship, you suddenly find yourself wanting to go home quick, lock yourself up in your room and cry out all the repressed tears brought about by your anxieties and unexplainble emptiness? that feeling when you find yourself worrying about your life again, wishing you could do something to make your dreams come true, and trying to fight the helplessness inside?

man, that's one of the worst feelings.

but worse than that is.. even before you cry it all out, the pain is doubled, because you know deep inside that you shouldnt be feeling that way.. that your heart is focused somewhere else.. and that all your fears are brought about by your impatience and lack of faith.

i recently felt that. i'm glad it's over now.

* * *

who would have thought that God would send His comfort through an old Max Lucado Devotional Guide?

locked up in my room, i started reading this devotional I got on sale from OMF Lit, and page after page, God revealed His reassurances again. And i knew right then, that He was the one speaking, because as tears started to fall from my eyes, i was reminded again of that love He gave me at the cross -- that love unending, unchanging, inspite of my inconsistencies. and as i prayed and voiced out to Him all these thoughts, the fears and worries i have kept inside for quite some time, all of which He already knew right from the start, I started feeling every thorn being lifted out of my chest, and every fear being washed away..

i have been impatient. and yes, at times i get depressed easily too. but here goes one grand truth. God loves me anyway. and nothing, not even depression, can separate me from that love. and His love for me, for us, won't get stronger if my faith was.. it wont get deeper if my thoughts were.. His love is consistent, unchanging, right where I am, right how I am.

and having ME on His mind while He walked His way to the cross was more than enough proof.

being reminded all these, i started feeling better because i know that He loves me with that kind of love which can wash away every pain, every heartache, every fear.

Which reminds me of this song..

"Crucified, laid behind a stone
Lived to die, rejected and alone
Like a rose, trampled on the ground..
You took the fall.. and thought of me
Above all.."

Sigh. He loves me. He loves us. That much.

plugs.
keren ruth vanya slither in shadows brokensaint nonie trisha

Riz Blabbered @ 4:30:00 PM.

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