The sun come out tomorrow so you better hang on til tomorrow,
come what may. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow,
you’re always a day away. – Little Orphan Annie

Doldrum.
I am a lost sailboat, floating amidst a vast ocean of stillness, and in my helplessness, I wait patiently for the next ship to pass by and rescue me, or for the wind to blow my sail again.

Our Ethics professor, The Great, ehem, Sir Varona, introduced a rather new word to us in class: Doldrum – that phenomena where sailors get stuck in the middle of the ocean because they happened to sail through the eye of an air current. This ‘eye’ is like a vacuum several miles wide where there is no wind to blow the boats towards a certain direction. They say, this is among the risks of sailing because it could last for days, and upon its occurrence, there really isn’t anything to do but wait.

While dictionaries define the word doldrums as something less appealing – sadness, depression, dejection, despair, pessimism, and the list goes on – I prefer to use the word the way The Great, ehem, Sir Varona used it.

Ironically, while I found myself learning so many somethings from this professor, and while I’ve learned to love him (totoo) and his class (yeah, yeah, shoot me), it doesn’t seem like he likes me back. Ha, ha. (Kawawa naman ako. Hehe.) And well, maybe the subject, Com191 (that’s the UP CMC term for Ethics), doesn’t like me back either.

And so I have to take the final exams.

And so the whole semester of bloodshed over chapters and chapters of that brain-draining Ethics book, plus all those class discussions and right-minus-wrong exams, boils down to this one big day when I have to take the exam along with several other less fortunate souls. (I say they are 'less fortunate' because it’s not as if they/we don’t study – everyone studies for Ethics, I can attest to that – but because well, Sir Varona’s style is not really everybody else’s style.)

And so the hopes of graduating this summer suddenly depend on the results of that one exam (at least as far as the university is concerned).

Make it or break it. Do or die.

Doldrum eh? Yep, that’s where I am now. Right in the middle of it. No wind. Shoreline is too far to see. Nothing but vast skies and endless water in sight. And well, if I am a sailor, there’s nothing else to do but wait.

Suddenly, everything is blurry. Suddenly, I have no choice but to browse through the dusty photocopied readings I’ve already kept in a box along with other old and dustier books I have planned to throw away this summer. Suddenly, all the plans and dreams I have been looking forward to have to be put on hold.

I’m scared. I’m worried. I’m tapping my foot and biting my fingernails in trembling successions.

But I know that at the end of all these, I can proudly tell the whole world that God was the wind that blew me safely home.

Just a Day Away.
Lately, I often find myself closing my eyes and hoping that when I open them, the semester is over, and I’m already inside the busy walls of OMF Lit, taking my practicum. Or, inside a plane bound to Australia to attend the Hillsongs Conference. Or, somewhere in the distant future, old, gray-haired and wrinkly, sitting on a big soft couch with a thick knitted blanket to keep me warm, watching the raindrops through a big glass window, and holding someone’s reassuring and also-wrinkly hand. (Er, too far, Riz, too far. Hehe).

If only it's possible, today was the perfect time to pull the gold thread. Skip the agony of suspense. Fastforward to the next month. Find out if I'm meant to graduate or not without going through the torture anymore. Get a glimpse of where I'm heading. Allow impatience and panic to take over.

But just when I was about to close my eyes again, I remembered that tomorrow is still God's. I was reminded that everything that happens in our lives is designed for us to draw nearer to Him. That He will cause all things to work together for good.

And I realize that whatever plan God had for me yesterday is the same plan He has for me today, and tomorrow, and the next day.. until its completion.

Ergo, I need not fret. Best thing to do is to take a leap of faith today, endure the torture, and await the safe landing. After all, it's not gona be long.

After all, tomorrow is just a day away.

Plugs: Joni Tina (happy birthday girl!!) Jampot Normi Deb Trisha Nonie
Your comments never fail to light up my day. Thanks, thanks. :)

Riz Blabbered @ 2:26:00 AM.