Design and Writings by Riz
Bluedfiles Version 17
� April 2005

twenty.
i wanted to sleep but i couldnt...

so here i am, spending the first few hours of my 20th year in front of the computer, typing my heart out.. my wish has been made, the candles (without the cake though, take that!) have been blown, the numerous greetings have died down, the landline has stopped ringing, and my cellphone's stopped beeping as well... and as i put the phone down after talking with my bestfriend (whom i haven't talked with for sooo long) and finished saving my friends' birthday greetings on the messages+ of my cellphone, i now find myself in this eerie silence, struggling with the reality that i, indeed, am not a teenager anymore...

and then i ask myself, is there really a difference? two hours ago i was just 19.. and now, this is still the same me, only a year older..

for the past two hours i have been bombarded with statements like, "welcome to the 20s, riz!", "yikes riz, bente ka na!", "ang tanda mo na bruh!", "20? omigosh! i cant believe this!!", and "nak, bente ka na.. wala nang birthday gift ha.." among many others.. and the day, MY day, has just started! (i mean, i dont get it, what's the connection of being 20 and not having a birthday gift??! hmp!)

now what? should i feel pressured or excited? are people expecting me to suddenly stop being a kid and start acting like an adult? am i not allowed to watch powerpuff girls anymore becoz I'M 20?!!?! should i change my wardrobe of jeans and baby tees altogether and start wearing dresses and business attires instead? or should i get rid of all the seven piglet pillows i've had since highschool and replace it with something plain and soft-colored?

i thought about all these in all 30seconds and i therefore came to a conclusion... it doesn't really matter! yes, it's still the same rhiza you've all known and er, loved (?).. still 5'2 (yup, i haven't grown in height), still brown-eyed, still chubby.. the only difference is the technicality of being 20.

so now, as i look back to those 20 years of my life, i realized that i should just forget about the pressures of being not-a-teenager-anymore and just smile and be thankful instead for all the wonderful things God has blessed me with -- the people i've met through the years, the mistakes i've done and the lessons i've learned through them, and the simple joys of life i've encountered here and there..

today's just an ordinary day.. but on a bigger picture, today marks... yes, a new chapter of my life.

change? yeah.. i'm sure there'll be lots of them.. little by little though.. nothing drastic.. after all, i'm not ready to give up my wardrobe, and my piglet pillows just yet...

Riz Blabbered @ 1:55:00 AM.

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