Design and Writings by Riz
Bluedfiles Version 17
� April 2005

too much for a night.
what did I know? after having only one hour of sleep the other day because of SV’s Ladies Night, I spent half of the day (read: yesterday. it’s past midnight as i type this) on my bed, getting as much sleep as I can. little did I know that there’s a reason for those long hours of rest -- I would need it now.

I cant believe how much have happened the past five hours. (1) a friend of mine displaying acts of insensitiveness that hurt me like crazy; (2) ghost of my past calling up from out of the blue, and later on, telling me "to leave him alone for a while" (uh?) and now, haunting me once more; (3) going online, hoping to unwind, but ended up being faced with unresolved stuff I so badly need to fix, and (4) hearing depressing news about people I care so much about; and now, (5) being left alone in the dark again, thinking things through… and wondering, why oh why did all these happen in one night?!!

last Sunday in our youth Bible Study, we discussed about how we all possess a “disordered mind”, that which has conflicting thoughts and selfish desires.. and how God wills for us to free our minds of conflict and have desires which are in line with His. right, why did I mention that? I really don’t know.. maybe because I’m not really having an “ordered mind” right now. my head's in a whirl of all kinds of thoughts.. selfish ones, annoying ones, confused ones, unexplainable ones. now how am i going to sleep at a time like this??

so here i go, online at 2:30am, chatting with Ate Jam and trying to hold on to God's promise that everything still happens for a reason, no matter how incomprehensible and complicated life can be. hey, that goes for me and her. right 'te jam? *wink*

right. so that's it. end of rambling. at least the happenings the past hours have given me some things i can be grateful for: (1) more reasons to move on and let go; (2) some things to think about (yup, i realized that i should be grateful for this too), tests i have to pass and resolutions i have to stick with; (3) an ate i can share my thoughts with; (4) a sound sleep tonight, since i'd be soooo stressed and drained after all these; and (5) a lunch date tomorrow.

and so i end with this again: God indeed, has His reasons.

yup, even in times like this.

Riz Blabbered @ 1:51:00 AM.

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